Love.

     Why is it so hard to admit that you love someone? I mean sure, there's always that chance that the person you love won't love you back and that your heart will be broken because previous encounters with love have left you this way. It might also mean a new level of vulnerability and commitment that you're not ready to open yourself or your heart to. In either case, the word "love" has nothing but negative connotations attached to it, or so it seems.  Love equals heartbreak, tears, fear, anxiety, the reason someone stays when they shouldn't,  and may even be the excuse for one's bad decisions.

     I will admit, I have experienced love this way. The heartbreak, the fear, the tears... All of it, and it sucks. I will even go as far as to say that it's my experience with love that has closed off my heart until even "liking" someone was huge for me, and I'm not one who generally hides what I'm feeling... But love changed me. I'm not ashamed to admit that I was "in love", or that I still am... Or whatever but it's all still a very confusing concept to me, but I think I've figured it out on a personal level.

     I think we all can agree that we've seen enough movies to know what love is REALLY supposed to be like...right? The happily ever afters, the last minute "I love you" before the girl marries the "wrong" guy, the intense passion, connection and the steamy romance between two perfect strangers ... Or basically the plot of 27 Dresses, and every other romantic comedy ever made. Obviously I'm kidding... These superficial versions of "love" are really only misguiding people in their search for the real thing, heightening their expectations for love and leaving them hanging on a mere disappointment when Jeff, who they met at school, works at the coffee shop on weekends and is a totally normal guy,  turns out to be a couple of blue eyes and a six pack short of a James Marsden or Ryan Reynolds...let alone, prince charming.  Just like pornography distorts a man's view and expectations of sex; the "chick flick" does the exact same thing for women - it's emotional pornography, in a sense. The one thing that our culture of gluttons essentially stuffs their flesh with, is the very same thing that they are essentially being starved of - the true meaning of love.  

     So what happens to Jeff? Well, we dump him because we can do better - After all our Edward is out there somewhere waiting for us to choose him, while our Jacob is fighting him for our love. You know, I've heard about girls actually breaking up with their boyfriends because the poor guy doesn't treat her the same way the fictional/ mythical creatures in Twilight treat Bella. It's funny, but way too often the reality.

     Personally, these movies make me incredibly self-conscious because I know that I'm nothing like these girls in the movies who are the object of every man's desire.  They're stunningly beautiful , vulnerable, delicate, funny, cutesy, and are equipped with an endless amount of social grace. If this is the kind of girl that guys are looking for then we're all running around aimlessly looking for love in all the wrong places, because these people don't exist. We are missing each other while looking for the fictional and unobtainable.... But I digress.

     As I mentioned before, I used to think love was nothing but something that caused me an endless amount of emotional madness which hindered me from being true to my feelings. And by consuming these movies, I was really only deepening my insecurities about love and what it was to me...was.

     I recently had a conversation with one of my closest friends, Kory. When this girl speaks, I listen. She has a way of putting things into words that help me to see the "big picture".  On one of our late night walk and talks, Kory and I began sharing some of our biggest heart breaks about  the boys we've loved and the boys who didn't love us back. We also talked about some of our recent crushes and how we're so scared of letting our guards down because of the times we've lost in the past. But Kory said something interesting to me while talking about my fears of admitting to the feelings I was experiencing for a certain individual. She told me that the only reason I'm scared is because I believe that the odds are against me just because of my past experiences, which haven't been many... But because I've "lost" a couple of times, I walk away from what I want expecting to never win. I accept defeat as soon as I feel threatened. 

     If we  keep holding onto our  "loser" mentality, we will remain losers. Our self esteem will remain low, our hearts will remain damaged and closed, and we will continue to push potentially great things away from us...

     So this is what I've learned: It's okay to love someone, in fact, it's beautiful - whether or not they feel the same way. It's amazing to me how much the human heart can care for another person.  I've also learned that when you've come to the point of falling in love with someone, you never really "fall out" of love... I just don't think it happens. Personally, I believe two things take place: first, you learn to love without - coming to terms with your feelings and the feelings of the other person while understanding that it's just not going to happen. Sure, it hurts, you might cry, and definitely have your heart broken, but it's not a bad thing - it's things like this that keep us human, and the good news is that our hearts are pretty resilient.

     Once you learn to live without, you'll learn to love differently. This can be a process - it definitely was, and in some ways still is for me. Basically, it's moving yourself away from the romantic love to a more friendship/family oriented type of love. I'm sure you've heard one of your friends say it, or maybe it's even been said to you, "I love you so much....I'm just not IN love with you" - and this is was leaning to love differently is all about...Just loving with out expectations of a romantic relationship.

     Again, love is a beautiful thing and it's something we personalize as we mature in it, experience it, lose it, and receive it, but we have to make sure that the way we personalize it is in a healthy way and not a distorted way that feeds these negative connotations because of our expectations due to skewed representations.

     And if you're wondering what a healthy love is, look no further than the Word of God.

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; Love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails...But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest is love. - 1Corinthians 13: 4-7, 13

     I've been doing my best to apply this to my life, and  I feel as though I'm getting closer and closer each day because the hurt is fading...the answer was right in front of me, sitting on my bedroom shelf the whole time. Sure,  It's not always easy because so often I make my feelings about me - but love is not selfish. By Remembering that love never fails, we should love without fear, without conditions, without boundaries. Don't be scared of your feelings, I guess is what I'm trying to say. They were given to you for a reason and we were created to love. So do it, and do it biblically. The odds are not against you, and God has dealt you an excellent hand.

     My mom always says, "every sugar bowl has a lid". He/she is out there so don't let yourself be defeated, just be optimistic, resilient, and most of all, Patient.